Every text is a decision, every online message a statement for the record.Writing our thoughts on screens leaves them open to endless interpretation. Translation: When his ad says 'rugby player's build' he doesn't mean Jonny Wilkinson, he really means Johnny Vegas DISCRETION EXPECTED I'm married and don't want my wife to know.INDEPENDENT Lying, cheating commitment-phobic scum. A stately dance in triple measure, dating from the 17th century.A square dance for four couples, dating from the 18th century.I have now found Anthony Wood's authority for dating his birth in 1545.
Online dating is the romantic equivalent of eating at Denny's: There's a menu full of tantalizing photos and enticing descriptions, but that Grand Slam breakfast never looks quite as good when it's sitting in front of you.
But the language of dating, littered with unfinished thoughts and ambiguous emoji, is freakin' complicated, perhaps now more than ever.
The words we use to communicate and describe our dating lives take on bigger, stranger and more ambiguous meanings when put them down indelibly in writing.
Five-times-married Jan Leeming claimed in Femail last week that internet dating has given her a new lease of life - and she's not alone. There's more chance of winning the Lottery on a double rollover week than there is of being a woman over 35 and getting a date on the internet. Her brain cannot process the words: 'I don't think you're quite right for me.'LIKES THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE Gold digger. WILLING TO TRAVEL Lives in a filthy flea-ridden hovel that he can't possibly let you see. NORMAL KIND OF GUY Normal in a Norman Bates kind of way. NEVER DONE THIS Have done this a thousand times before, but I'm too embarrassed to admit it, so will pretend that you're my first. Your date will be a riot of whoopee cushions, itching powder and fake-dogpoo-filled fun.
A staggering 65 per cent of British singletons now turn to the internet looking for love. It doesn't matter if the guy is 60, he'll still confine his searches to '35 and under', so any woman's age should be taken as a ball park figure. Working her way through the internet site and it's your turn. Looking for a new wardrobe, jewellery and a few weekends away before she dumps you for a 25-year-old Adonis. Normality should be a given, so run a mile from anyone selling it as a good point. The golden rule of internet dating is that anyone who feels obliged to mention they have a sense of humour is usually devoid of one. LOOKS NOT IMPORTANT Barrel-scraping beggar who can't afford to be a chooser.5ft 10 5ft 7.