Depression has a loud and convincing voice that dominates the minds of those who suffer from it.
There's little room for reason, which makes it hard for partners to know how to be helpful.
Their false but strong belief that they have accomplished nothing or that they have little to live for can leave you feeling helpless, and confused as to how to respond.
These all-or-nothing, black-and-white thought patterns often illustrate depressed thinking.
Since he is a lot older than you, it might happen that he is expecting a lot more mature behavior from you, as you are expecting a lot more childish behavior from him.
Neither of those is wrong, but be understanding of his lifestyle and try to meet him half way.
Most probably the first thing you need to understand when dating an older man is that there will always be a difference in what both of you expect from each other.No one is perfect, so sometimes the person you want to be with happens to have this illness.You already know there is much more to the person than their depression or you probably wouldn’t want to be with them.Maybe you’re a Marxist or a socialist; maybe you’re an anarchist. You believe that our movements are stronger if they include everyone. If you’re not ready to work with the emotion to make sure everyone is ok afterwards, then you’re not ready for the sex.This is not the 1950s; if you’re committed to social justice but you are still marching along using ‘the rules’ to govern dating, it’s time to consider the connection between your politics and your personal life. You’re a straight monogamous cisgendered feminist man,and you want to hook up with or date women? If you’re the kind of person who avoids your own or other people’s emotions, then you’re not going to be able to have good consent conversations until you get more comfortable with your own and other people’s emotions. Read books on consent, on attachment styles, and on radical conflict resolution skills.Just remember that different mindset comes with ages and that it takes time for both of you to get accustomed to one another and the way you see things.